Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What is A Winner???

Let's make a list.

An unbiased list of active qualities that makes a winner, that's our goal.

I'll start.

1. One who has a career or job they enjoy.

2. One who has a suffient amount of sex to satisfy them (as we now this is subjective).

3. One who can support themselves (i.e. rent, bills, food).

4. One who is living with a phonebook of people that actually call (if you have a name in your phonebook of a person who has not called you in six months, delete).

5. One who can stand up for themselves or others if necessary.

6. One who says "no" even if others say they should say "yes".

7. One who is loyal to those they care about.

8. One who is honest.

9. One who can listen without waiting for openings.

10. One who walks their own path and is happy even if they don't meet any of these qualities (they are an asshole though).

Your Turn. Feel free to add to this list. Or even take something away, but things taken away must be replaced :-)

1/15/2011 (added)

11. The ability to adapt and change.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Rejection

Another...

Yes. I got another rejection email. I've started to gather them into one place, so I made a folder in my email account. However, this only includes the ones that were not already thrown away or that came in the physical mail.

I realize this may not seem productive but it keeps me having a purpose. I'm making even my rejections emails a sort of collection. Maybe I'll make something out of it later.

I am starting to wonder about me.


Dear Antoinette,


Thank you for your interest in working at Art Crating, Inc. This office position requires a very particular match. Although we appreciated your interview, we cannot offer you the position.
Good luck with future endeavors.

Best, #$%&(changed to protect the innocent)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Japanese Drama

I love it.

Have you ever just sat and watched Japanese drama. They are awesome. I started watching a few years ago after a began to watch Japanese anime in Japanese, you know with subtitles.

Although I'm not one of those subtitle snobs that say all anime is better in their original language with subtitles. I say its all better for me in the first language in which I saw it. Most of the time its is the original language.

Now back to live action dramas. I started watching them because of Ouran High School Host Club, an anime. While reading reviews and forums about this anime, someone said it was like Hana Yori Dango. I decided I had to see it. Its another anime based on a manga, Japanese comic, I was going to watch this new anime which if it was another anything like Ouran it would be awesome.

Then the most amazing thing happened. I discovered it had a live action version. Now when I say live action I mean with actual people. I watched the whole thing in record time. I was hooked, I still am.

Discovering new dramas all the time, romance, crime, comedy, anything I think sounds interesting. Currently I'm watching two.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Statement of Purpose

Grad School.

Who would have thought a statement of purpose essay could cause headaches, heart palpitations and nightmares. It has for me. Its very hard to know what admissons committees are looking for in them and what you shouldn't mention at all. I know. I know. Just state the facts in a clear, cohesive and self identifyable way. But what does that mean. Should it be in my usual writing style? Which I can admit does get conversational if left unchecked.

Time

time
by: Antoinette Jones

what did he say
was he talking to me
staring, questioning
noticing the changes
I answered him right
am I looking at him
blah, blah, blah
there it goes again
do you have the time?

Monday, August 3, 2009

Inspiration

I love this poem. Discovered it in high school.


One thing I dont need
By: Ntozake Shang

one thing i dont need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i dont know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important to you’
i’m gonna have ta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
if you called
to say yr sorry
call somebody
else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta /& how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in Brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what I want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin something & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise me voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it
i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability & close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/& no count straightout
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself

Friday, July 31, 2009

Stipend

Who knew?

Many employers are not offering regular paid positions these days. The internship has become the thing. The thing to do until the economy breaks. They are usually unpaid "regular" positions. Most times you can get school credit with them filling out some papers but no pay. Then there are those special cases that have some sort of pay. Very few actually gives an hourly salary, those aren't the paid internships you usually see. Its the "stipend available" that you find.

Stipends.

The money they give you for lunch and transportation fare, can be anywhere from $10 to 50 per day. With the higher being very rare. This money becomes life line, absolutely important, vital. You anticipate and look forward to the small check. At $10 per day, those checks are like magic, you are so hungry and in need of the car fare just to get o the internship, it is exactly what you need.

Magic.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I'm Home

Just sat down after coming in from my internship and taking off the outside. Ready to relax. No such luck. My mother just walked in and before anything else; Aren't you supposed to be at your intern?

She asks, exactly that way.

I just sat down. Give me a break. This is why a stall coming home, and why I left out the house yesterday at 7am going nowhere. I didn't have any appointments, I just hid out at a friends house, not coming back until after 11pm. just hiding out because she decided to take the day off.

Aren't you supposed to be at your intern?

I wish.

Open Call

Job Hunt

These days its really difficult to find a job, so when you are scouring the job boards and find and open call its like a gift. Here's the scenario:
You're on the internet searching for possible opportunities, actual jobs seems to be scarce and since you already have an internship you decide let's take a step into the past. Retail, visual merchandising and display styling, years of experience should open up more options.

It wouldn't be that easy.

Weeks go by and you've applied for numerous positions and its becoming clear that years of experience may also mean a higher pay that employers don't want to spend, it could also mean you suck, but let's go with the former. Here it is the perfect opportunity.

Open Call for Experienced Visual Merchandisers.

Could this be true. Its like Christmas. Exactly what you are looking for, and they seem to be looking for you. You take down the date and prepare for the interview. Interview, what else could it be, I won't ruin it, read on.

Today is the day. Well not actually today, this is from my life about a month ago.

You wake up excited, they want you, you want them, its perfect. You dress for the company you are applying, in professional but still young, hip and trendy. Since trend is this retailer's middle name, don't try to guess I'll tell you, but a little later. The train is here, yes, you will be there right in the middle of the schedule, which was 10am - 12pm. More then enough time. Walking down the blocks, you're getting excited, finally a job, that is looking for you. You turn the corner, there's a line.

Ugh.

The line, is outside in 90 degree weather going down going about 30 percent down the block and you have to get on it. You walk past the competition, taking them all in along with the heat but you are not phased by either yet. Few are in suits most are very trendy, going so far as to be wearing short shorts, and metallic sneakers. You look over your outfit, dress slacks, button down white shirt, graphic tee over top like a vest and red patent leather pumps. You are the combination of professional and hip. You don't even care that people walking down the streets are staring at you wondering why people are on line. You are feeling good.

This doesn't last. Hey what are those numbers?

You look down the line again, does everyone have them? No, but most do. Oh no. You need a number. You start moving to the front, ahh, they have them at the cash register. You hand over your resume, which is required, they write your name on a sheet of white paper and hand you the resume paper and a number. Number 53, Lucky number 53. You get back on the line which is now longer because these people saw the one posted sign behind everyone in the front of the line, that anyone under 5'9" wouldn't that said come inside with resume to get a number. Which was the cause for another potential visual merchandiser to get sassed by an employee, when she said there was no sign. Now the line is moving forward, wait backward, wait again forward, nope backward. That goes on a few times because those moving the into the store are taking to many than necessary then having to send the rest back outside.

What's this I'm at the front. Finally time to go inside. We walk downstairs, there's another line. I get on the end of that and wait.

You wait and wait, its 11:45 hey doesn't these end at 12. You start reading the employee rules and regulations posted on a wall. They are reasonable, wait, You must wear ******** ******** from head to toe, no exceptions. even stockings. What's that on the mirror, "Are You Wearing ***** ********? If not you are not in dress code. Ok, now you are phased, because you belong to the majority of the population over size 12 and they don't have your size. You have worked in other stores obviously because you are experienced but the rule was just to look lik you belonged, similar clothing to those they carry or the clothes if you could fit them and wanted to buy them. Here they are telling you, they don't care if you want to have their clothes you have to if you work there but not only that they don't give you and allowance to buy these clothes as with most retailers that require their merchandise is worn by employees. But right now this is not your concern.

You think back to your first thought you can't fit these clothes. They don't want me, do you you have a chance. You would buy the clothes maybe you could find something, you just need the job. You are moving up in the line , what is going to happen. Its your turn.

They ask you to stand against the wall holding up the paper with you name and phone number. What is this? You've never been to an interview open, group, or individual where you had to have your picture taken, You comply, your outfit is nice. You walk over and sit down at a make shift desk handing over your resume. They ask you two, maybe three questions and thank you, we'll call you.

That's it. It's over. No more questions. Nope.

You say thanks and leave. Walking how you realize they took the picture because they have an image in mind of the people the want to hire, experience of not, and later they are going to pick out those that fit into that mold. You are angry. Why didn't they just say it was a "casting", at least A & F are upfront with their wanting models when they place an employment ad. You know those in short shorts and metallic sneakers are getting call backs because they had the look and probably, most likely were wearing the clothes. If they had the experience, cool. If not, then that sucks. Maybe you are wrong maybe they will call you based on your over six years of experience, they don't. You are still on the job hunt.

Oh yes. The retailer with the "open" call. American Apparel.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Uptown C

Really 6 E trains?



Ok, so I exaggerate a bit. It was 4. Four E trains came and went at the stop I was waiting for my Uptown C. I realize the C train in both directions got the worst consumer rating this year in terms of quality of service but today just, Ugh!


Usually the E and C trains going my way alternate. At most two E train would come and go, but today must have been special. I waited at that train station for about an hour and forty minutes. Wait don't think it took that long just for one C train three came before I got on the fourth. I waited for the third simply because its rush hour and they were crowded.

The multiple E trains didn't help the matte because every time a crowded C would pass it would take so long for the next one to follow the Four E trains, that the amount of people waiting for the C would increase again thus making the train even more crowded and too much so for me.

Finally

Around 6:43pm the number of E train between the C went back down to two allowing me to get on the train somewhat comfortably, though it was still crowded.

P.S.

It is a violation which could result in arrest to smoke in the train station, that means on the platform, the steps, in the trains, and in between the cars.

This jerk was smoking on the platform steps, as if him standing on them, which doesn't even lead outside, makes it ok.

Not Likely.

On my way.

Courtesy

Courtesy.

It's a simple concept that some people do not get. If the sidewalk is very narrow in a certain area and you can barely fit through chatting it up with your friend and someone is kind enough to move to the side as to let you pass easier, wouldn't the courteous thing to do be is to say thank you and move through that area in a as speedily a manner as possible. I don't mean you have to run through but you could pick up the pace a bit, we all have places to be in the morning. Its quid pro quo. I do something for you, you return the favor. You don't walk as slowly as you possibly can so as not to miss a single thing you friend who is walking next to you is saying. They can repeat.

Its just courtesy.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Avoidance

Have you ever just tried to avoid anything?

That's the state I find myself in most days. Home is not home.

After moving back in with my mother so that it would be easier for me to complete school, it feels like I am regretting ever giving up working along with my own place. Initially I thought, great I can focus on finishing and not have to worry about having money to pay rent but it is quickly becoming a horrible mis-judgment.

I know you're thinking stop complaining your staying for free you freeloader. That's only partially true. I have had freelance jobs in visual styling and jewelry design which allowed me to pay some of the household bills and my school needs. So I took care of myself I just didn't pay rent. But that was before the economy collapsed.

I hate the economy.

It seems like when everything was fine I could find a job, no problem but never one that allowed me to save money or go to school at the same time and actually do well. They said you have to finish your degree you only have a few classes left just finish and you can finally go into your chosen field and get the job you want. Since I was living on my own but not doing what I wanted, I thought finishing makes since it will only take at most a year and then I can go back into the job market full time and stop freelancing.

Freelancing stopped me.

When the money stopped so did the jobs. Now I'm sitting in the park avoiding the house and my mother's slights. She really doesn't know that I am trying to get out of her house at all costs. I even considered just taking some clothes, disappearing and seeing what happened. Its almost time for her to come back home and I leave. I did this even when I was freelancing and had money coming in because her comments; why I didn't have friends, why I was doing a particular thing, what was I doing to my hair, sometimes even why I was sitting a certain way. Ugh. All questions that I could avoid by not being in the house when she got there, so I started seeing movies. I can't remember how many times I watched Step Brothers or The Dark Knight. Now its harder to see movies with no steady income coming in, with me just interning right now, but sitting in the park is free.

This is my avoidance.